Our miracle

The day we found out.

The holidays and the first couple months of the year were an emotional roller coaster. Right now, a lot of my friends are trying, finding out that they are expecting or have 1-2 kids. I was thrilled for every single one of them when they would announce, but it felt like it was everyone but us. My husbands side of the family had 5 couples, including us, that were trying to conceive. Every single one of them had announced that they were expecting during the 2015 year, except for us.

Some days I was hopeful, most days I was discouraged. Clint was always optimistic, or he was outwardly. On those hard days, he helped me realize that whatever happened and however long it took, that it would be worth it. And so, by February, I decided to stop thinking about it so much. It was physically & emotionally exhausting and causing so much unneeded stress, which I’m sure wasn’t helping the situation. I know that some of my friends who are trying to conceive will agree with me here.

Sunday, March 29th, I woke up feeling indifferent. After (a seemingly long, but short) 6 months of ovulation strips and negative pregnancy tests, I wasn’t hopeful. But, I took a test anyway. I went to the kitchen made myself a glass of water and went back in to the bathroom. I saw two pink strips, clear as day. My heart started racing, and immediately took another test. Positive.

It was 7 in the morning on a Sunday, so Clint was still zonked out. I ran into our room and sat on his side of the bed. He jolted up and immediately said, “What’s wrong?” I had tears in my eyes and could hardly speak. It took me a few seconds before I was able to say, “We’re having a baby! We’re having a baby. You’re going to be a dad!!” We hugged & cried, & laid there for a minute talking about this little miracle that had happened.

I had always dreamed of how I was going to tell Clint that he was going to be a dad. A cute announcement with a “daddy’s little (man or girl)” onesie, a pair of tiny shoes, or shirts for the dogs would have been great, but I’m so glad he shared this moment with me.

The next few days were a blur. The only thing I thought about was how life was going to change and what we needed to do next. I was slightly obsessive about finding a doctor and a hospital for delivery, but I just couldn’t handle it. I was only 4 weeks along, & obviously we were worried about miscarriage, but I was staying optimistic that baby was in there to stay.

At about 6 weeks, I started to notice that I was spotting a little. From what I had read and heard, it was nothing to worry about. However, one morning, I woke up and went to the bathroom and it was more worrisome. Only being at 7 weeks and 3 days, I knew that miscarriage was a definite possibility. That morning I was worried sick. I cried and cried until the doctors office opened. The nurse suggested that I get an ultrasound at the hospital, and I completely agreed. We, obviously, wanted to make sure everything was okay, and were willing to do anything at this point. It was 11 AM when the nurse called me back and told me that I had an appointment at the hospital at 1 PM. That was the longest 2 hours of my life.

As I lay there waiting for my ultrasound, I prayed that I could accept and have strength through whatever the outcome may be. As they proceeded with the ultrasound, I could feel Clint’s hand shaking as he held mine. It wasn’t possible to take my eyes off the ultrasound screen, so I squeezed his hand gently and he squeezed back.

There was our baby. Heartbeat and all.  Grateful tears streamed down my face and I looked over at Clint. We both couldn’t take our eyes off of that little bean shaped embryo and the fluttering heart beat. It was at that moment it all became real and I knew that everything was okay. It was measuring as expected, had a heartbeat of 152 and there was no source of bleeding. A huge sigh of relief.

I believe this little man/lady is here to stay. We just pray that it’s a healthy little baby.

I’m so excited to be a mother, to build a bond with this little one until December 4th & to hold it for the very first time. I couldn’t think of a better Christmas present than this.

Here’s me at 10 weeks with my chubby belly, yet nonexistent baby bump.

We are so excited for this journey and to welcome this little one into the world & into our family.