Christmas

This Christmas was unlike any other.

Hayes being born just before Thanksgiving made the holidays this year slightly chaotic. I want to make it clear that I love my son more than I can put into words, I love being a mom, but here’s the truth. Being a mom is HARD. Wicked hard. The trials you face after you have your baby are so unpredictable, which is why I felt so unprepared for Christmas this year.

Mentally – I was all over the place. Postpartum hormones got the best of me & landed me in the emergency room a week & a half after Hayes was born. It felt as if a sack of bricks was sitting on my sternum making it difficult to breathe. We were afraid that maybe it was a blood clot or even something going on with my heart. I was convinced that it was something big. It ended up being an awful, AWFUL anxiety attack. I’ve had them in the past, but nothing like this. This sternum pain lasted for a few weeks & still even happens every once in a while if I do too much or I’m feeling overstimulated. In addition to this pain, I also have my bouts of crying for no reason. Such a joy 🙂

Physically – I was exhausted & stuck at home with a newborn. Which is a blessing that I know a lot of mothers don’t get, so I’m very grateful, but being home bound made me stir crazy & a little depressed. Our traditional visit to Temple Square to see the lights was out of the question with a newborn. I didn’t get to do a lot of holiday shopping or bake any yummy goodies. Although, I ate enough of everyone else’s to make up for it!

Spiritually – This aspect of Christmas was something I was more in tune with than other years.

Welcoming a little, perfect spirit into the world brought me closer to my Savior than ever before. It helped me reflected even more deeply on the birth of my Savior, on Mary & her role in His life & on His atoning sacrifice. He was born to save us from our sins so we could return to live with our Heavenly Father. Because of Him all families, including my little family, can be eternal & we can one day be perfect. This year, I’m even more grateful for that truth.

Earlier this year, my uncle Mike was diagnosed with lung cancer, which is treatable, but incurable. Witnessing Mike’s strength, the strength of his eternal companion, my sweet aunt Mary Ann, & the strength of their children, is incredible. Over the past year, I’ve seen Mike & his family have to endure, & overcome, unimaginable trials. I’ve seen people give & bless their family & I know that the Lord has sent these angels to lift the Morley’s up. This has helped me understand the true meaning of Christmas & the need to be Christlike always. Not just during the holiday season.

I love my Savior. I love my family. Though, I may feel inadequate & weak at times, I can be strengthened through Him. Through him, we can do anything.

At The Hospital

After little guy was released from the NICU, I was finally able to take some photos without the cords and probes all over him.

I’m smitten with his chubby, little feet, his hair that flips out on the sides, the features that are clearly from his daddy & his calm, sweet personality.

I can’t believe how much he has already changes since taking these pictures 4 days ago.
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Continue reading “At The Hospital”

Hayes John

Tuesday, November 24th was one of the absolute hardest, yet most rewarding & spiritual days of my life.

For the last 5 weeks of my pregnancy I was going to see my doctor once a week, as well as going to labor & delivery for non-stress tests. My blood pressure had been all over the place ever since week 20, but other than headaches, I had no other pre-eclampsia symptoms. So, I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension. Therefore, I felt super high maintenance having to go to the hospital every week knowing that they would just send me home because my blood pressures would level out by the time the tests were done. The amazing nurses at Lone Peak all knew me by name. 🙂

Last week I got this feeling that I needed to start packing my bag for the hospital & have it ready in the car. We installed the car seat & I had my bags with me whenever I had an appointment. We never knew what my blood pressure was going to be & if it would actually stay high during my stress tests & become an issue. Dr. Smith had told me that if my blood pressure remains high during one of these, he was going to induce me.

Tuesday, November 24th was that day. 10 days before baby’s due date.

Molly, the first of many nurses who helped me that day, was so sweet. She came in intermittently to check me during my test because my numbers were high. She called Dr. Smith, & came back in to the room with the news. She told me that we were going to have a baby today & they were admitting me right away. Clint was at work, so I gave him a call to tell him this crazy news.. I could hear the utter excitement & anxiousness in his voice.

By the time Clint got there at noon, they were working on getting my IV in working order & prepping me to start pitocin. It didn’t take long to get pitocin started. I was at a 1 & 60%.

The next few hours were pretty uneventful. Clint got a little bit more work done & I watched, but mostly just listened to, Pitch Perfect. At 4, Dr. Smith came in and broke my water, put the heart rate monitor probe on baby’s head & another wire in my uterus to better measure my contractions. Around 5 PM they checked me again after I started feeling some slight contractions. I was at a 3.

By 6 PM, my contractions were crazy strong & consistent. I was in so much pain that I threw up all of the delicious cran-apple juice that I had downed earlier that day. I called in the nurse & told her that I wanted the epidural. She came back after calling Dr. Smith with the news that I would need to hold out a little longer. He was concerned about how little I was progressing & really didn’t want the epidural to stint that natural process. Through the next 45 minutes of crazy pressure & contractions, Clint was right by my side through every one, holding my uncontrollably shaking hand & talking me through it. (Ugh. I just love that man.) Molly came in & gave me the most amazing news ever. She had been watching my contractions & couldn’t believe how strong they were. She got the anesthesiologist in there by 7 & I was feeling peachy keen within 30 minutes… Until little guy decided to drop & the pressure intensified. This is referred to as “lightening”. I also had what the nurses called a “hot spot” in the front of my pelvis, which was a spot that for some reason the epidural just wasn’t hitting & there was nothing we could do about it. Yeah, that sucked.

My new nurse, Chelsey, was a freaking rockstar. Her & another nurse Kate would be the ones to help push me through the upcoming hours of the most excruciating pain of my life. The baby’s pressure in my pelvis was so bad I threw up again, only this time my epidural was in full force, so I couldn’t turn myself to the side. I felt helpless while Clint tried to lean me over on my side so I didn’t throw up completely on myself. Chelsey got me hooked up with some pretty awesome anti-nausea medicine after that & also gave me some oxygen as I breathed through the contractions. She kept telling me that this pain was a good thing, that maybe it meant that things were progressing as they should be. She checked me at about 9:30 & I was at a 4. I remember feeling defeated.. Chelsey just kept reassuring me that pressure is a good thing, that baby is getting ready. I guess all of the nurses were pretty impressed with how calm I was through all of this.

Now by 10:30, I was done. Chelsey & Kate, came in & saved the day. Kate explained that she was going to put me in a position that seems kind of strange, but it would help reshape my pelvis & adjust baby’s head position to lessen the pain. They flipped me over so I was almost laying on my stomach. My left leg was on top of a birthing ball that was shaped like a peanut & Kate was up on the bed pushing down on my hip through the contractions. She explained that this would help shape the pelvis into more of an “O” shape rather than an oval. Her pushing on my hip really did lessen the pressure.

Chelsey checked me again at 11 PM & I was at a 9! A NINE!!! Baby was also in a +1 position. Simultaneously, Clint immediately called our photographer & my mom, Jess & Aunt Mary Ann walked in with some food for Clint. They still thought I was at a 4, so when they walked in & saw a nurse on top of me with oxygen on my face, they thought it was going to be a long night. When they started asking the nurses questions about my progress, I realized that they didn’t know about the current situation. I said, “I’m at a 9!” All three of them went “WHAT?!” & immediately got smiles on their faces. They couldn’t believe it. They waited in the waiting room while baby was born. It’s so fun to hear them reflect on that hour of anticipation. Watching the doctors and nurses rush by & hearing his first little cry. Wait, wait! Back to the story! 🙂

After they found out I was at a 9, they called Dr. Smith. Chelsey had me push through 3 contractions. 3 pushes of 10 seconds per contraction. By the end of the 3rd contraction, Chelsey made me stop because in her words, she was “not going to catch a baby tonight.” Breathing through the next 5 or 6 contractions until the doctor got there, was so, so strange. During the 3rd or 4th contraction, I remember Clint & Chelsey reassuring me by saying, “he’ll be here soon, Macquel.” I remember this being the only time where I got frustrated & impatient. I said, “Where the hell is he?!” & we all kind of giggled.

Dr. Smith walked in at 11:40, got ready & calmly came in & said hello to me. He sat down & had me push through one contraction. My epidural had almost worn off. I mostly just had numbness in my legs & feet, but I could feel the contractions again. I think this really contributed to how well I could push. I could feel where the pressure needed to be. I could feel him moving through. Dr. Smith looked me in the eye & said, “Okay, Macquel, this next contraction, we’re having a baby!” I grabbed my legs that next contraction & pushed harder than I ever had. It took two pushes to feel his head & the next push to feel his body.

We welcomed Hayes John Anderson into this world at 11:51 PM.

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It was the most incredible feeling to see my little, cone-headed boy laying on my chest. I put my finger in his little hand while they suctioned out his airway & I remember locking eyes with Clint in disbelief that this was actually happening. I heard his first little cry as they put him under the heating lamp. I was in shock. That was our little boy. He was beautiful & perfect. After they took his measurements, I saw Clint holding his son for the first time & my heart melted. He walked him over to me so I could see his face while they were stitching me up (only a few stitches & a really clean tear. Yay!) He laid Hayes on my chest. There are no words to express the amount of joy, relief & love I felt at that moment. I remember saying a prayer & thanking my Heavenly Father for bringing this little boy here safely & allowing me to be his mom.

Shortly after we got our alone time holding the baby, my mom, Jess & Mary Ann came in & got to meet our little one. Then Clint’s mom & brother were on their way home from cleaning the temple & got to meet him within the first hour of his birth as well. It was fun to have everyone there to celebrate with us.

My nurses kicked everyone out so we could do skin to skin & try nursing. Sweet Chelsey was so worried that she hurt their feelings when she was asking them to leave, but I assured her that they understood 🙂 Plus, I didn’t care. I wanted that alone time, dang it! & it was nice to have some quiet time to really take it all in.

Hayes is beautiful. He is nothing like I had imagined, but everything I could have ever dreamed. We are so blessed to have such a calm, sweet & happy baby boy in our lives. Stay tuned for the rest of little Hayes’ story of his stay in the NICU.