Christmas

This Christmas was unlike any other.

Hayes being born just before Thanksgiving made the holidays this year slightly chaotic. I want to make it clear that I love my son more than I can put into words, I love being a mom, but here’s the truth. Being a mom is HARD. Wicked hard. The trials you face after you have your baby are so unpredictable, which is why I felt so unprepared for Christmas this year.

Mentally – I was all over the place. Postpartum hormones got the best of me & landed me in the emergency room a week & a half after Hayes was born. It felt as if a sack of bricks was sitting on my sternum making it difficult to breathe. We were afraid that maybe it was a blood clot or even something going on with my heart. I was convinced that it was something big. It ended up being an awful, AWFUL anxiety attack. I’ve had them in the past, but nothing like this. This sternum pain lasted for a few weeks & still even happens every once in a while if I do too much or I’m feeling overstimulated. In addition to this pain, I also have my bouts of crying for no reason. Such a joy 🙂

Physically – I was exhausted & stuck at home with a newborn. Which is a blessing that I know a lot of mothers don’t get, so I’m very grateful, but being home bound made me stir crazy & a little depressed. Our traditional visit to Temple Square to see the lights was out of the question with a newborn. I didn’t get to do a lot of holiday shopping or bake any yummy goodies. Although, I ate enough of everyone else’s to make up for it!

Spiritually – This aspect of Christmas was something I was more in tune with than other years.

Welcoming a little, perfect spirit into the world brought me closer to my Savior than ever before. It helped me reflected even more deeply on the birth of my Savior, on Mary & her role in His life & on His atoning sacrifice. He was born to save us from our sins so we could return to live with our Heavenly Father. Because of Him all families, including my little family, can be eternal & we can one day be perfect. This year, I’m even more grateful for that truth.

Earlier this year, my uncle Mike was diagnosed with lung cancer, which is treatable, but incurable. Witnessing Mike’s strength, the strength of his eternal companion, my sweet aunt Mary Ann, & the strength of their children, is incredible. Over the past year, I’ve seen Mike & his family have to endure, & overcome, unimaginable trials. I’ve seen people give & bless their family & I know that the Lord has sent these angels to lift the Morley’s up. This has helped me understand the true meaning of Christmas & the need to be Christlike always. Not just during the holiday season.

I love my Savior. I love my family. Though, I may feel inadequate & weak at times, I can be strengthened through Him. Through him, we can do anything.