I’m sitting here watching How I Met Your Mother and I’m a blubbering mess. This song was in the episode when Marshall and Lily became parents and it is so deeply resonating right now.
I can’t wait to be a mother and hold our little one for the very first time. I can’t imagine loving something more deeply than I will ever understand and I can’t wait for that moment. Until then, I will listen to this song over and over with tears in my eyes.
How far along: 14 weeks
Total weight gain: gained 3.2 lbs.
Maternity clothes: I tried wearing my normal jeans the other day and ended up going the entire day with my button undone. The second I got home, the stretchy pants went on.
Stretch marks: I have a few little new ones on my sides.
Sleep: I wake up at least once a night to go pee, but still sleeping pretty well.
Best moment of this week: Seeing our little one yesterday. We still couldn’t get a really good picture of it, but there it is. Its head is on the left and back along on the bottom:)
Miss anything: My appetite. Food sounds repulsive still, but I’ve gotten better. Some things just do not settle well..
Movement: Not yet. I could have sworn I felt a flutter, but I’m pretty sure it was just gas;)
Food cravings: SUSHI. All the time!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Eggs and smells. Having to wake up early for work isn’t helping much. I wake up exhausted and I already have a sensitive gag reflex, so I cough and I’ll start gagging. It’s not pleasant.
Have you started to show yet: I definitely feel larger, but I’m not showing yet.
Gender: Clint had a dream that it was a girl a couple nights ago, and I keep dreaming that it’s a boy. At first, we both hoped for a boy, but as time goes on, both of us have no preference. We just want a healthy little baby.
Belly button in or out: This is going to sound strange, but my belly button has moved.. It tilts up! So weird.
Wedding rings on or off: With this influx of heat, my fingers have gotten swollen. I have started to feel claustrophobic with my ring on, BUT I just ordered a little silver band off Amazon and it should be here tomorrow. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to wear that through the end of the pregnancy.
Happy or moody most of the time: I’m mostly happy! Feeling myself actually get bigger and having the chance to see that baby pretty often has made me one happy momma!
Looking forward to: Visiting my in-laws in Missouri in a couple weeks and surprising them with something BIG:)
How far along: 12 weeks
Total weight gain: gained 1.8 lbs… so far.
Maternity clothes: I’ve been feeling more bloated than pregnant these days. So, I’ve been relying heavily on my lovely, stretchy leggings.
Stretch marks: None yet. My skin has felt pretty dry lately, so I researched on Pinterest (of course!) & found a “miracle mixture” that apparently helps a lot. It’s a combination of baby lotion, vitamin E lotion and vaseline. It actually smells really good and the moisture really lasts.
Sleep: Starting to get charlie horses throughout the night and I definitely have to wake up at least once to pee.
Best moment of this week: Only puking once. Yup, that is my highlight. The heartburn has officially started, which makes morning sickness even more delightful.
Miss anything: Having energy. I am just so exhausted all of the time. I was in a meeting yesterday around noon & almost zonked off. That would have been embarrassing..
Movement: Not yet!! Can’t even wait for that.
Food cravings: Burgers, steaks, & hot dogs. If this little baby isn’t a boy, I will be baffled!
Anything making you queasy or sick: The thought of eating eggs, most vegetables, smells, textures and when I see things that are gross. So basically everything. My sister was having my niece blow her nose the other day & I glimpsed a little booger and gagged. Yup, it’s that easy.
Have you started to show yet: Definitely not.
Gender: I had a dream the other night that we went in for our 14 week ultrasound and there was the baby’s little baby boy junk. So…. that probably means it’s a girl 🙂
Wedding rings on or off: Most days, on. But the other day, the weather was really weird and my fingers were swollen. It was making me feel claustrophobic, so I didn’t wear it for a few hours. It was magical 😉
Happy or moody most of the time: If I’m feeling nauseous, I’m moody as all hell, but most of the time, I feel like I’m on cloud 9. It’s amazing to realize that I’m growing this amazing little human being.
Looking forward to: Starting to plan out the nursery! I’m thinking of going for something gender neutral and then throwing in specs of accent color once we find out what we’re having.
I’ve come to expect that this pregnancy isn’t going to be an easy one for me. Already being prone to anxiety has made any slight hiccup or complication, seem worrisome. Luckily, I have an annoyingly optimistic, supportive husband who thinks a whole lot more logically than I do (sometimes.. 🙂 ) & an amazing doctor. The second I express any concern, Dr. Smith knows exactly what to say to calm my nerves. His office is willing to do whatever they can to help relieve my stress. Even if it means that I go in weekly. (I hope I never get that bad..)
This is all in response to my experience yesterday. I woke up feeling just fine. I went in to work at 6 AM and around 8 I went to the restroom. Spotting, again. Blood is never comforting. I called the nurse as soon as I could & she called me back within a couple hours. She didn’t seem too worried about it. However, because I’m still in my first trimester at 10 weeks 5 days, miscarriage is still a concern, nay, a possibility.
They scheduled an appointment for me to come in later that afternoon. Of course, this is all I could think about until that point. That, & just needing to pee constantly.
We got to the appointment and the Dr. Smith looked over my chart. There was nothing of concern. So, he pulled over the ultrasound machine. We moved the machine a little so I could get a better view this time and I am so glad we did. Baby was basically jumping off the sides of my uterus. It was moving its little arms & legs so fast. It’s incredible to think that this little being is moving around inside me, but I can’t feel a dang thing. I wish so badly that we had taken video of it, but we just got so caught up in how awesome it was.
Clearly, everything is fine and I was on such a high for the rest of the day. What a crazy and unexpected experience. The doc isn’t quite sure what is causing the bleeding, but assured me that 40% of normal pregnancies will experience bleeding like this. He also encouraged me to come in any time that I had any concern. “It isn’t worth being stressed or anxious when we can take a few minutes & just check.” Those words were such a comfort to me.
I feel very blessed to have found such an amazing doctor and to, so far, have a healthy little baby.
The day we found out.
The holidays and the first couple months of the year were an emotional roller coaster. Right now, a lot of my friends are trying, finding out that they are expecting or have 1-2 kids. I was thrilled for every single one of them when they would announce, but it felt like it was everyone but us. My husbands side of the family had 5 couples, including us, that were trying to conceive. Every single one of them had announced that they were expecting during the 2015 year, except for us.
Some days I was hopeful, most days I was discouraged. Clint was always optimistic, or he was outwardly. On those hard days, he helped me realize that whatever happened and however long it took, that it would be worth it. And so, by February, I decided to stop thinking about it so much. It was physically & emotionally exhausting and causing so much unneeded stress, which I’m sure wasn’t helping the situation. I know that some of my friends who are trying to conceive will agree with me here.
Sunday, March 29th, I woke up feeling indifferent. After (a seemingly long, but short) 6 months of ovulation strips and negative pregnancy tests, I wasn’t hopeful. But, I took a test anyway. I went to the kitchen made myself a glass of water and went back in to the bathroom. I saw two pink strips, clear as day. My heart started racing, and immediately took another test. Positive.
It was 7 in the morning on a Sunday, so Clint was still zonked out. I ran into our room and sat on his side of the bed. He jolted up and immediately said, “What’s wrong?” I had tears in my eyes and could hardly speak. It took me a few seconds before I was able to say, “We’re having a baby! We’re having a baby. You’re going to be a dad!!” We hugged & cried, & laid there for a minute talking about this little miracle that had happened.
I had always dreamed of how I was going to tell Clint that he was going to be a dad. A cute announcement with a “daddy’s little (man or girl)” onesie, a pair of tiny shoes, or shirts for the dogs would have been great, but I’m so glad he shared this moment with me.
The next few days were a blur. The only thing I thought about was how life was going to change and what we needed to do next. I was slightly obsessive about finding a doctor and a hospital for delivery, but I just couldn’t handle it. I was only 4 weeks along, & obviously we were worried about miscarriage, but I was staying optimistic that baby was in there to stay.
At about 6 weeks, I started to notice that I was spotting a little. From what I had read and heard, it was nothing to worry about. However, one morning, I woke up and went to the bathroom and it was more worrisome. Only being at 7 weeks and 3 days, I knew that miscarriage was a definite possibility. That morning I was worried sick. I cried and cried until the doctors office opened. The nurse suggested that I get an ultrasound at the hospital, and I completely agreed. We, obviously, wanted to make sure everything was okay, and were willing to do anything at this point. It was 11 AM when the nurse called me back and told me that I had an appointment at the hospital at 1 PM. That was the longest 2 hours of my life.
As I lay there waiting for my ultrasound, I prayed that I could accept and have strength through whatever the outcome may be. As they proceeded with the ultrasound, I could feel Clint’s hand shaking as he held mine. It wasn’t possible to take my eyes off the ultrasound screen, so I squeezed his hand gently and he squeezed back.
There was our baby. Heartbeat and all. Grateful tears streamed down my face and I looked over at Clint. We both couldn’t take our eyes off of that little bean shaped embryo and the fluttering heart beat. It was at that moment it all became real and I knew that everything was okay. It was measuring as expected, had a heartbeat of 152 and there was no source of bleeding. A huge sigh of relief.
I believe this little man/lady is here to stay. We just pray that it’s a healthy little baby.
I’m so excited to be a mother, to build a bond with this little one until December 4th & to hold it for the very first time. I couldn’t think of a better Christmas present than this.
Here’s me at 10 weeks with my chubby belly, yet nonexistent baby bump.
We are so excited for this journey and to welcome this little one into the world & into our family.
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